The basic act of finding closure is as simple as closing the door. Yet even as a young child, we denied the simplicity of it as we ignored the screams, will someone please shut the door? It was presumed we were simply lazy, perhaps uncaring, or too preoccupied with other things, to close the door behind us. But were we lazy, or did we know something even back then that made us not want to completely close the door upon entering?

Think about it. If you leave the door open, you dont have to declare whether you are coming or going. You dont have to declare that youll be staying inside or out. You dont have to declare that your playtime is over or not. But perhaps that lack of declaration is actually affecting those around you and your own decisions as well.

As a child, though, it was mostly about me and the here and now, without much regard to anything else. It was about getting the most out of the minute, perhaps at all costs. And if it meant not being 100% in all areas, but could still leave all options of fun open, than so be it. As an adult though, this form of leaving the door open really does have a cost, because as long as it is left open, your mind always has the option of going back out.

As adults, we find that closure is difficult. The act of simply closing the door on something that once created happiness, even if it hasnt in a very long time, seems so final and sad. Even if the present situation causes turmoil, we convince ourselves that holding onto its memory is actually easier. Less painful. After all, finding closure on a relationship we still yearn for, would just be a lie, wouldnt it? Hearing that door slam would mean putting an end to something you werent ready to end. Even if youre almost convinced that the happiness that was may never return, you find yourself still struggling with letting it go.

If youve already lost your job, or the relationship has already failed, than what are you truly holding onto? You may believe that because you are doing other things to keep yourself busy, you feel youve let it go and are moving on. The question is: are you? Usually, though not always, you will need to actually do something to complete this act of closure. Something that declares you are ready to put the past in the past.

Closure, although it sounds final, doesnt have to be. Its a simple act of letting the past be just that. The past. It doesnt mean that you cant ever open it again to take a peak or that you cant ever have it again. But it does mean that you have to let it go as it was, because the way it was, is surely gone. And given that for whatever reason it didnt work, it is probably good that it cant be that way again. After all, it didnt work. Perhaps it wasnt meant to be, or that it was, but in a different form than the way it was.

One door closes and another one opens.

Try thinking of it as an opportunity for something new. Now that the past is where it should be, things that you might not have noticed before, may look like real possibilities now. Letting the past go will give you the chance to stop looking back and begin looking forward into what your life has in store for you. Whats exciting about the future is that it is unknown and has the potential to be great!

How to decide if its time for closure:

Write down what it is that youre holding onto and read it aloud. Then ask yourself these questions:

1- When I think about what Im holding onto, do I feel happy or do I yearn for the past?
2- Is what Im holding onto helping me to move forward in my life?
3- What will be missing in my life if I let this go?
4- What can I gain if I let this go?

If youre unsure about why youre hanging on, then it is probably time to let go.

There are several ways to find closure, but it depends on your personality and what the situation is. Here are some suggestions:
1- Sometimes it is as simple as declaring it aloud, though you may need to write it down or tell a friend to help you stay focused.
2- Call the person you need to let go of. Acknowledge all the good reasons for holding on in the first place and then declare why you need to let go.
3- If you cant speak to the person, write a letter and mail or e-mail it.
4- Find something new that you can focus on in its place. Something that you can use as a positive replacement.

Remember that the reason for closure is to be able to appreciate the positive things the future holds for you. So think positive and create mental images of what great things may be coming your way.

Life is a game, so get off the bench and start playing!