Whos your daddy? screams the angry woman to the little girl standing on the porch. The little girls mother comes out of the house waving a frying pan and letting loose curse words. A shouting match takes place between the women. You can hear the yelling and see the fighting. A policeman arrives to deal with this domestic disturbance. He separates the two ladies and learns these two are dating the same man. No one is happy.

Dont allow yourself to be held captive by a negative vibe in your family. There is no perfect family (if you are honest, theres probably some dysfunctional behavior in your family tree). Confusion can destroy a close-knit family. In this situation, the word family primarily refers to your extended relatives (brother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.). Communication usually breaks down--feelings get hurt. Disharmony can happen to any family. How does it get started? It can be created either by individual choices or by the decisions of others. You can see it created through many ways: selfish sibling, drugs taking control, dependent relatives, money-stricken friends, or toxic relationships. Can you think of others?

Many issues can cause family confusion. Many people tend to react to their gut feeling without thinking through the consequences. Dont believe these personal decisions only impact you. No, short-term choices can leave a legacy of total disasters. Do you need examples? Take someone elses loved one? Threaten to kill someone? We live in a society where no one wants to wait and develop a real relationship. People prefer to generate quick soap opera relationships to shield their insecurities. There are impacts. For example, Derrick Thomas, former Kansas City Chief linebacker, was a football hero with fame, money, and power. He died on February 8, 2000, from injuries suffered in auto accident. He probably hoped to leave fans a legacy of outstanding memories, but the reality is Derricks leaving the public another American tragedy. He left seven children from five different women and no will. While Derrick earned more than $30 million in his football career, it is expected the children will split several hundred thousand dollars once the estate is settled. What kind of situation does this leave the family? Will there be chaos in the family? Each of us must realize that our choices not only can hurt us, but our loved ones also.

Do you know someone in your family who creates disharmony? A small dose of confusion can spread like a wild fire in a family. You can always find at least one person looking to generate mess in a family. What will start it this time? Family property? Money? This person will not let the problem die down; he is not content until there is a big explosion. The results are generally not positive. In our own family, we have seen family members fight over property. There is generally lots of anger and hurt feelings. Often kids are caught in the middle, left to carry on this confusion (even when they dont understand the cause). While many involved in these types of situations are left empty, some people thrive on this negative energy and seem to get enjoyment from it (the more trouble, the better). They celebrate disharmony. We call these folks troublemakers or instigators. Here are some suggestions for improving these situations:

Recognize the potential problem.
Deal with the problem immediately. Dont wait.
Determine the root cause. What is the situation about?
Determine who really needs to get involved.
Find common ground and create a win-win situation,if any.
Keep your cool.

Building a strong family bond takes commitment. Its easy to get sidetracked by he said, she said ordeals. It takes courage to look beyond the surface problems to determine the real root cause. You have to be stern in your beliefsand committed. You need to focus on whats critical for your family. Make every attempt to live at peace with everyone. Determine to make yourself a peacemaker and dont allow yourself to be conquered by negativism. Stand Tall. Embrace your relatives with positive vibes. Allow them to feel the harmony. Start today!