Do you remember when, as a child, you were promised somethingwhether literally or your interpretationand it never came to pass? Remember how disappointed and perhaps very angry you were. And remember how the same thing happened over and over and how you began to think that there was something wrong with youthat you werent good enough. And remember how you began to believe that same thing coming into your adulthood to one extent or another.

Your expectations of yourself and of others began to take on a very problematic tone. It seemed that nothing ever worked out for you the way that you thought or wished it would. You may have come to believe that you just needed to try harder to please others and that would make everything ok but no matter how much harder you tried, it never seemed to change.

Much of what we believe and feel develops into patterns that determine how we end up leading our lives as well as casting a shadow over our expectations of ourselves and others. The real problem is that most of those beliefs and feelings were formed in our childhoods and grew into distortions about ourselves and others. We may have never really learned how to check out what was real and what wasnt. Of course life is filled with disappointments when things dont turn out the way wed like.

But that doesnt mean that we are the reason why that happens. Ive said to people who suffer this problem youre goodbut youre not that good meaning that their determination of what goes wrong has nothing to do with their being a bad person or that others dont really like them. They need to take some time to assess what really might have happened instead of assuming that their childhood fears are once again valid. Especially at this time of year of giving and receiving, it is important to keep those beliefs, feelings and expectations of ourselves and others in check.

Charles Bonasera

Charles M. Bonasera had been a practicing psychotherapist since 1962 and has served as a Consultant, Mediator, Author and Workshop Presenter since 2003. Based on years of extensive research he became a Stress Management expert and founded/ directed the Stress Management Center which evaluated and treated stress-related problems. As President of Personal Identity Controls, he developed and produced a number of interactive materials on various stress-related topics to enable people to take greater control their lives.Charles produced the CD/workbook entitled ?Guide To A Life Management Process? which helps people recognize and manage their stress more effectively. His Workshops and consultations with businesses, corporations and schools, stresses the recognition that our greatest resource is people and treating them with dignity and respect promotes productivity. His role as a keynote speaker mixes his professional wisdom with practical solutions and a sense of humor.

Based on his previous experience as an evaluator of learning disabilities, he began rendering Workshops to school districts in 1995. His goal was to help educators recognize the importance of incorporating principles of mental health in the classroom. His Workshop and Consulting roles dealt with issues such as anger and stress management, developing reasonable expectations, belligerent behavior, case study workshops, parent-teacher relationships, reducing anxiety to facilitate the learning process, problem solving techniques and the practical components of healthy, happy relationships. Many of these same topics were incorporated into general audience workshops as well.

Charles? methods center around helping people develop ?alternative ways to happiness.? His problem-solving techniques are practical and interactive enabling people to make their own choices in their own individual style and time-frame.. His approach clearly embodies the philosophy that ?the greatest learning we experience is when we don?t know we?re learning and are having fun? and that learning is both an intellectual and emotional process.