Manually pleasuring yourself should be as natural as sex itself. And, while many people are embarrassed by it, you really shouldn't be. O.k., maybe you don't want to broadcast it to your neighbors, friends, and family, but between you and your lover it doesn't have to be a secret. Masturbation actually does serve a purpose. Besides your own enjoyment, it also teaches you what feels good, and where it feels good. It teaches you how to relax during a sexual encounter in order to have better or more orgasms. These lessons you learn can then be verbalized to your lover during sex for an even better sexual experience. Simply put, you've learned where it feels good when you do it, now tell him so he can make you feel good.

Remember that pleasuring yourself is not about how many times you come to an orgasm. Or even whether you orgasm at all. It's about pleasing yourself, making you feel good like no one else can. While orgasms are great, they really just indicate the highest point of pleasure during sexual arousal. There are many, many points in between that are immensely pleasurable. There is nothing wrong with you if you do not have an orgasm. Concentrate on how good you can make yourself feel. Generally over time, you will learn what and where feels best and how to bring yourself to orgasm. But don't let that be the focus of masturbation, just enjoy the feelings.

Try arranging some alone time. Go some where you won't be bothered. Make sure you have some time available to you so you can relax and enjoy yourself. If you can, lock the door so you won't be disturbed, if not make sure you request that this time be your alone time. Having a family can make alone time hard to get, try requesting bath time once per week. This will be your alone time to relax and get away from the every day stresses. If you're new to pleasuring yourself, or just looking to get more out of it try creating some ambience. Bring a cassette or cd player with you to listen to soft music. Purchase a few scented candles. The fragrance lavender is known for it's relaxation properties. Then relax and enjoy your time alone with yourself. Enjoy the soft music, and the scent and glow of the candles. Don't rush, start off slow and easy. You know where to touch to make you feel good, don't be embarrassed, just go with it.

Enjoy!
Marie Clare
Relationship Consultant & Author