Migraine headaches must be one of the great equalizers that tell you in no uncertain terms to stop what ever you are doing now! Anyone who has suffered from this kind of headache will be able to relate to this article, it is something like childbirth; its not something you can fully appreciate unless you have experienced it. I must have been about eleven or twelve years old when I had my first one. I was at a bus stop in the middle of a snow blizzard waiting for the school bus to arrive when it first hit me. It was probably the glare off the snow that triggered it and it wasnt until years later that I could put a name to the experience. My headaches were classic and during these episodes there was only one thing that I really wanted more than life itself and that was to die. I went through self analysis and even kept a log of the headaches for years and I could find no pattern, they just simply happened at any time and any place. Whatever triggered the migraines seemed to be inconsistent. Light and hunger was a couple of them but I am sure it was in combination with other things. As I grew older they slowed down for awhile and at one point I never had one for almost a year and I thought I had it licked. Lately they are coming back with more frequency. I lead a fairly stress free life and meditate daily. The headaches happen during my waking hours and in my sleep and as with all physical ailments there is a root thought that supports it that I havent found it. I befriended the idea that maybe people who had migraines were special and that new awareness would come from the experience, I thought it may have been Gods way of communicating and my brain was just being overloaded. I looked for patterns in the swirling lights that flooded my inner and outer vision. I sat quietly in the dark and waited for messages or meaning, nothing happened except for the nausea and pain. Until a few years ago there was only one thing that was inevitable, I had to stop what ever I was doing and lay down for an hour in the dark. I considered myself one of the lucky ones that were not de-habilitated for days or had to go to the hospital for shots. I got angry, resentful and just plain pissed off when they happened; I tried to look for the silver lining and found none, so I gave into them when they happened. A few years ago I changed my thoughts about how I would react to the headaches when they occurred. I decided that I would carry on with my life and ignore them as much as possible and in doing so I found some measure of success. It may well be because over fourty years have elapsed since my first one, the blurry lasts about half an hour, and I no longer get the nausea. My headaches are not as piercing, they still last for a day or so but are very mild and I seldom take any pain relievers for them. I have changed my thoughts about the events when they happen and I try not to let it interfere too much with my routine. I have turned an undesirable event into something more positive. I used the headaches as a warning sign; an amber light that says slow down. This awareness is a major change from the red light that stopped everything a few years ago. The lethargy that follows for the next two days does not allow me to get back into full swing immediately and the shift into high gear is gradual. There is nothing that can not wait, I keep going even during the blurry period without medication, but I do it on my time and on my terms. I have learned to give up on the idea that everything has to be done now. I am generally in good health and seldom get sick and never get into serious accidents. The migraines are not something that I want to have consciously I am not the masochistical, but they have perhaps served me well in slowing me down and avoiding other more serious problems. I am highly motivated to be productive at all times and even at rest will read a book or do something fruitful. I do not look forward to these headaches but I do not try to avoid them, and I use the opportunity to re-evaluate my circumstances at the time. I had another migraine yesterday morning while I was looking forward to getting up early, and writing this article, albeit not about migraines. I had to get my web site ready to upload later in the evening; this routine takes me half a day to accomplish. The first symptoms were clearly in front of me as soon as the monitor on my computer had warmed up. I did not get this article finished until today and my site was not uploaded last night; it will be twenty four hours late. The day was spent wandering around doing very mundane things that was my usual routine on a Sunday. I know that all things happen for a reason, I do not believe in coincidence or chance. I didnt have a topic when I woke up yesterday and this article needed to be printed. I believe that someone somewhere is receiving help from my experience. We are all connected and it was appropriate and timely for this headache, for my benefit and that of another. Life always leaves signs for us as we walk our walk. Most of the time we do not see them or we ignore them and some of us have to be hit of the head pretty hard in order for the message to get through. I am reminded that we are spiritual beings first and the body is just an extension of that mind. We are not victims of circumstance, we are creating them. Freud said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but I know its not in your mouth by accident. All things have purpose; it is how we experience these things in our own unique way that determines whether we consider them good or bad. I have moved away from the good thing and the bad thing and have replaced them with what works and what does not work for me. Obviously the migraines are working for me even though I am not satisfied that this is all there is to it. I have chosen to use them to my advantage and see them as a sign to slow down. Life has no purpose other than the purpose you give it. Signs may be just signs, but they have purpose. It is the individual that decides what that purpose is on a conscious level. Signs are physical manifestations of something that is going on inside; a thought process. For me the migraine experience has been a painful equalizer. |
