Conflict is inevitable

Conflict in love relationships is inevitable.

It's also necessary for a relationship because, if you have your own mind, you will sometimes see things differently. If you always see things exactly the same way, then one of you is not necessary.

Being able to successfully handle the conflict of seeing things differently speaks to the strength of the relationship.

Fighting is optional

While conflict is inevitable and even necessary, fighting is a choice.

One of the things that causes lots of fighting is beginning to see your partner as the enemy, someone you have to beat. Once you choose to see your spouse as an adversary to conquer, there is really not much good stuff that can follow.

What to do instead

Here's brief list of what to do instead of fight:

1. Use the three Cs - Capitulate, Co-exist, Compromise.

2. Give up the right to be right - sometimes in a love relationship you can be right or be happy but not both.

3. Make the conflict or the problem the enemy instead of each other.

The next time you are tempted to fight, pull out one of the above options and see what you can do istead. If you really want to take it up a level, use all three at once.

Remember, while conflict is inevitable, fighting is optional.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com